This is so weird. I'm feeling really weird about all these. If you read this, still, you'll know I'm talking about you. Originally, I sorta thought, ok, I screwed it up majorly, so she isn't gonna be talking to me for a long time. And I was like. Ok. I could deal with it, I guess. Tried to apologize, didn't work. At least, I thought so. So I went to buy the Darren Hayes album today to replace the one which was with ya, cause I didn't think I would get it back from ya, and I didn't dare ask for it. Its kinda coincidental, I was listening to it when you MSGed me over icq. Never mind. Really, don't need to return it, the one I got has a bonus VCD in it too, so I'm fine.

So, an apology isn't necessary? Why not? I don't really get it. Don't have the energy, can't be bothered anymore, aren't the friend I'm looking for. What kind of friend am I looking for? Its just so, frustrating. Even simple friendships gotta be complex like this. What's the deal with it? It really astounds me. To the point whereby I don't know what to say. Actually, that's because I don't know what's going on. Maybe if it ended on a bad note, then it'll be fine. Now, it seems so, weird. Weird is the key word. Weird. Weird saying bye, and take care, like that. It is more of I'm not the kind of friend you are looking for, right?

I guess so.

But why would a friendship consume energy like that?

I mean, why do friendships with girls gotta be so complicated. It's really annoying. Really. To the point whereby I wanna pull my hair out and scream. It makes me wanna either turn gay or be a gigolo, the latter being not a very bad choice after all. Fine, I complicated one friendship, just one. I admit I was at fault for that. Just that one. And up to today... I'm still reeling from it. The effects. Its like something... I'll never recover from. Like a cancer. Recurring. Can't stay away.

But I'm not supposed to talk about that. Or think about it.

Back to the subject. All I hafta say is.

Frustrating.

Frustrating.

Frustrating.

And another one, the one whom I sent flowers to. I had no idea you had a boyfriend already. If I knew, I wouldn't have sent them at all. I suspected, I asked, you never answered. You said I could send you flowers, and knowing you, I know I could hold you to your word. If only I knew, I wouldn't have done it. And, great, he knows about it, and he probably thinks I'm trying to steal you from him. Never mind what you tell him, he's a guy, and as long as he's normal he's gonna get all suspicious and protective. *sigh*. And then if I back off you'll really think I was after you, but after finding out you had a boyfriend, I wasn't interested anymore. And if I don't back off and take the hint from him, he's gonna think that he's right about me. What a dilemna. Oh well. I'll just bum around and be more apathetic about stuff. I'm tired too. Tired of trying to be a perfectionist. Let people think what they want of me. Immature, childish, whatever crap, whatever bull. I'm tired of talking about all these boring stuff too. Its gonna be a long entry tonight, so I better move on.

ching ming:

You are a quick study, and can be self-taught. Your curiosity can get the best of you, but you must learn to concentrate. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You are a hard worker when you make up your mind to do a job. You are always involved with projects and things to do. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. You need to learn proper evaluation of labor and work. You can be either a compulsive worker or a professional loafer.

goh:

You are a hard worker when you make up your mind to do a job. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You need to learn the true value of material possessions. You have a natural protection in life. You are always saved - especially from yourself.

I did this test in a link found at Amberyl's journal. Its so... WRONG! Ok, lets see. Quick study, maybe, self-taught: NO! Not unless I have an interest in it, and even then, I'll get bored after a while. Curiosity, maybe, learn to concentrate, vague. "You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts." WRONG! If there was a shortcut to getting rich, I'll do it. If I can gamble my way to a million, I'll do it. If i can siphon company funds to a million and not get caught, I'll do it. If I could sell my mother for a million bucks, I'll do it! I'm a mercenary. "You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically." Nuh-uh. I don't like people touching me, and I don't like touching people, regardlessly of whether its male or female. Of course, exceptions apply, but generally, nah. "You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You are a hard worker when you make up your mind to do a job. You are always involved with projects and things to do." WRONG WRONG WRONG! I'm a careless person, a most undesirable trait for a future accountant, so I miss out details often. Methodical mind, maybe, in that I'm not a very practical person when it comes to doing things, but if its about opinions, I'm far from being mechanical. This makes me laugh. Hard workder? Involved with projects and things to do? Wrong person, dude. (Amberyl's influence). "You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr." I don't understand this part much, but I know I'll be a coward, not a martyr. who wants to be a martyr anyway, die in glory? Glory isn't gonna get you to heaven. dude. "You need to learn proper evaluation of labor and work. You can be either a compulsive worker or a professional loafer." 50% right. I didn't understand that evaluation part, but professional loafer is me all right. Compulsive worker is more for the ailens from Mars who invite me to their house once in a while to take part in their experiments.

I was babbling.

For my last name. "You are a hard worker when you make up your mind to do a job." Fuckin' wrong, dude. You can't get any further from the truth. "You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love." Maybe. I am loyal to those whom I love. But, I love money more than anything else. So I'm more loyal to money than anything/anyone else. =P "You have much inner strength." This is debatable. I can crumble easily, but sometimes when things get really bad, its my apathy that makes me seem like I'm a strong person inside. I'm not. Its just that I take a long while before the enormity of anything serious hits me. "You need to learn the true value of material possessions." THIS IS A JOKE! Trust me, I know the true value of material possessions well. Maybe I need to learn the true value of non-material possessions. Hmnm, but maybe that's what its trying to say. See, they generalize so everyone can relate to whatever they say. "You have a natural protection in life. You are always saved - especially from yourself." Speak english already.

Word of the week: lackadaisical. Heard of it? I've never, until I read the Battalion RO. Sounds difficult, huh? It means "slack", generally. So my word.

Quote of the week: "I trust in you. I trust in Allah too, but I keep my camel tied." This cracked me up alot. Its so wit-rich, layered with tasty sarcasm and topped up with thought-provoking toppings.

The new Bon Jovi single, All About Loving You, has a great MTV. I like it.

I just bought a new book today, the latest Battletech novel, Call To Arms, by Loren Coleman. It's sorta significant in that the Battletech universe's future was in doubt, until Wizkids rejuvenated it. So it signifies the continuation of this wonderful universe. Bound to be a great read.

And I hope Sun-Tzu Liao kills all the fuckin Davion and Steiner bastards. =P

Ok, I said there was gonna be a challenge between Zhirong and me about no smoking for a week right? Well, lets see. We smoked two on Sunday. Struggled with 0 on Monday. Booked out for nights off on Tuesday, smoked 2. On Wednesday I said fuck it and proposed to cancel the dumb challenge. It was getting so boring in camp with nothing to do that all I think about is just to go smoke, to go smoke. So, challenge failed.

I'll need distractions if I wanna succeed.

And I better fuckin stop using fuck in my fuckin' diary. =P

Ok, really need to cut it out, it doesn't do my entries any favors. Bad influence from Amberyl.

I donated blood on Tuesday. Shocked at my apparent charity? There was a half-day off on offer. I donated last year too. Yucks, I really hate the feeling of donating blood, ya know. Feeling your lifeblood flowing out of you like that. Squeamish. But its a half-day off, and I'm so mercenary I just bore with it. If there wasn't a half-day off I wouldn't bother. I'm so mercenary, and I love it. That equates to selling 1 litre of my blood for a half-day off.

But seriously. Ya know, if donating blood was nothing to me, I would probably do it. Yeah, I know, people think I'm so materialistic, only doing things if there are benefits in store for me. I don't blame them, cause that's the kind of image I wanna protray to other people. But I'm not cold-hearted and stuff ya know. Well, not too cold-hearted, yet. =P

I think Zhirong's practically my buddy now. Being in 23SA, in Bravo battery, and hanging out with people who are apparently uneducated has been a real experience. Sometimes, its so hard trying to communicate with them. I can't use English, and my spattering of Mandarin sometimes isn't enough. But seeing how others live their lives, from different backgrounds, its an eye-opener.

I've been making money on ebay.com. Lets see, my Raw Deal cards have raked in 100 bucks USD. Yummy. My target was only 80 bucks, so its been nicely exceeded. I'm hoping to make use of these as a chance to try and get the hang of selling stuff, so that I can sell my more important stuff. I'm pretty honest too. Ok, see, I had 14 different auctions to sell my cards, and I said that if you won two or more auctions you only need to pay the shipping fee, which is 3 bucks, once, instead of paying it for each auction you won. Well, two of the bidders have won 3 auctions each, but they paid the 3 bucks shipping fee for each auction they won. So, against overwhelming will and great urge not to, I refunded them the surplus which they gave me. How silly, eh? =P

I'm gonna be selling my Xmen comics and Magic cards next, so look around ebay if you wanna read the latest Xmen comic series, Ultimate Xmen. It's great, nice story, nice artwork, and different; most of the Xmen are still kids. And Wolverine gets to bed Jean Grey, not Cyclops. =P

Ok, its official. Sixpence None the Richer is now my favourite band, succeeding Savage Garden ever since their demise. I just can't get enough of SNTR.

I think that's about it. Our new BC is here, and he seems to be a nice guy so far. Next week is our turn to standby, so My Vesak Day as well as the weekend are gonna be burnt. Had some beef with the specs earlier in the week, but its nothing major. That's about it, now I think. Oh, spent quite abit since payday. Feeling kinda guilty. I bought 3 CDs, Busted!, Evanscence and Darren Hayes. Haven't listened to the former 2 much yet, so not much comments. I got a buylist, a list of stuff that needs money, and that's where my money from ebay's gonna go.

In order of priority:

1. PS2 (what's new?) : $600

2. Driving : $200

3. Saving up : $300

4. Upgrading Diaryland membership : $ 80

5. Newcastle Jersey and jacket : $270

6. Gameboy Advance : $250

7. TV : $400

8. save up more : $50

So I need lotsa money. =P Anyone wanna help me with it?

Ok, that's it for tonight. I still need to post Pauline's entry up, yep, its up! So I'll end here and continue tomorrow, with a list of my Top 20 songs ever, currently. I have nothing much to do this weekend, finished all my ebay selling tasks, and I lost my CM4 savegame, so I'm not very inspired to play it again. So tomorrow, all I gotta do is to prepare my ebay auctions, prepare to go back to camp and I was supposed to help my dad with something that is quite time-consuming. I'll see if I can spare the time tomorrow, I guess.