I did some research on homosexuality yesterday, out of curiosity. And on the sex ratio in Singapore. Zhizhong told me that the number of females to males in Singapore was 4:1. I thought that was impossible, if so, then we males would be a really privilleged lot. And it would be so darn obvious. But of course, that's not the case, else the imbalance in the sexes would be really extreme. Females outnumber males by alittle bit, but not significant enough to make a difference, according to a consensus I found on the Net.

The other thing was homosexuality, and then, more interestingly, asexuality.

I'll explain what asexuality really is. Asexuality is when you feel attraction without lust, or lust without attraction, or neither, or finally, you are entirely devoid of attraction or lust. It is more of a new age descriptive term of sexuality, as people discover alternative forms of sexuality and create new words to express their own sexual identity, asexuality emerged, though its use is still fairly new.

Basically, I do think that I am somewhat asexual. In that, I never really seem to feel attraction and lust at the same time. I can never seem to put sex and love together. Somehow or rather, the girls whom I have a romantic interest in, I can't say I really lust after them either. Whereas I lust after other girls, but never see them as a emotional partner. I don't know how to put this properly, but to me, a relationship doesn't really have to include sex. And conversely, I can be interested in someone's physical appearance, but not interested in maintaining a serious relationship with that person.

So I can generally ignore any so called "crushes" on girls whom I have found to be physically appealing, cause I don't really have an interest in fulfiling my lust, and more of an interest in looking for someone who can meet my emotional needs.

But that doesn't mean I'm a asexual. I'm more geared towards asexuality, probably, say, 50% asexual, and 50% heterosexual. I'm not even bi-curious

Because... I miss her so damn much. Everytime I'm not occupied with something my thoughts drift to her, and when she's coming back.

I'm like that. When I'm into someone, I'm into her, almost totally. I allow thoughts of her, and feelings for her, to utterly consume me. But enough of that. Suffice to say that it isn't that easy missing someone, and that she's only the 4th person whom I'm serious about.

And Rachel is really pretty, with her new image. But, she qualifies under the lust but not attracted category.

And homosexuality. I'm not saying I condone homosexuality, I'll never condone homosexuality. God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah over it, where you got the term "sodomized" from. Just a shift from the past. I used to think that homosexuality sucks, and that it is a psychological condition. But I never ostracized them, probably cause I saw no reason to. I think that its merely a handicap, given by God, on selected people. As a result, these people have to fight doubly hard to resist their tendency to sin, and to receive forgiveness.

I find that, God is fair, but we do not see it. We see the many differences that God has given us as weaknesses, but never as strengths or tests. Anyhow, I missed church on Good Friday, cause of some reason, so, I guess I gotta make up for that soon. Gonna end here for today.