I was considering continue with my long overdue Thanksgiving entry, but I decided that I probably ain't really in the mood to do so.

My blog's becoming something of a receptacle for all my negative emotions.

I detest and abhor uncertainty. Uncertainty is one of those things that constantly gnaws and eats at you, yet you can't quite put it away. Sometimes you tell yourself that there really isn't much you can do about it but wait and see. You can do nothing about it, and for someone like me, I hate waiting and seeing. Call me a control freak, but I really like to think that circumstances are within my control. That's why I hate karma so much; I hate how no matter what you do, you cannot escape whatever karma tosses at you. Like who the hell does karma think he is anyway? Nothing but some obscure Buddhist theory. If Buddha had his way, everyone would be sitting around in lotus positions everyday, doing nothing but sleeping and pretending to meditate.

When things go wrong, is it because you were not optimistic in the first place? Or do you have to be optimistic in the face of adversity to overcome it? I wonder if it was when I am optimistic before things looked better, or things were never that great, but I just lost the optimism. Nowadays, things seem to go up and down, up and down, and alot of it is my fault.

Sometimes, I like to think that I am mature enough compared to last year, that somehow I've gained insights that I've never had. But the same thing applies; you need to recognize how much further towards maturity you have to go. The more immature people tend to be oblivious to that, so perhaps recognizing your shortfalls is a key to improving on them.

I am faced with situations when my level of maturity just falls short. And when that happens, I just want to whine and behave like a spoilt brat. Maybe my patience and resolve has really weakened since after everything. Whatever it is, I just pray for stability. For things to have as little ups and downs. I'll take the little ups for now. Maybe its good for me. To stop being greedy, and just enjoy the little daily victories while avoiding the little disappointments.

I'm probably the kind of person who loves to complicate matters, who thrives on messes and confusions and layer after layer of intricate plot details. Everyone nowadays are so self-absorbed in their own problems and worries, myself included, that they have little time to worry about yours. Perhaps this is the result of a fast-paced Singapore; everyone has to deal with their issues and have no time for yours, because issues pop up at a rate faster than they can breathe. And we all wonder where did all the compassion in our society go. But I can't fault anyone for that: I'm like that too. Too concerned with my own wellbeing, and always trying to take more for myself, often at the expense of others.

Someone like Wanqing is really rare. Someone who adopts a serious but happy-go-lucky attitude, who works hard and steadily, and does not overextend herself. Her life is smooth sailing; few ups and fewer downs. But she's so capable and always does the right thing. Level-headed. Puts us guys to shame, especially the emo ones. Maybe I should learn from her. Capability, or mentality?

Ending here. No point complaining so much when all that I am complaining about are things that don't go well, not things that go bad. Maybe I ought to see the positives in that situation.