So its confirmed. Final. Newcastle are going down. No external parties to blame, like I said, Hull and Sunderland were trying their best to help Newcastle stay up. But they lacked it from within.

It is so easy to blame the players. But screwy management did the job for me. Ashley peddling the club for half the season. Keegan abandoning Newcastle (again). Players disgruntled as a result and wanting to leave, starting with Shay Given, which to me is a loss from which we'll never recover.

They could continue pointing fingers and wanted this out and that out. And honestly, Owen should really just get the fuck lost and stop showing his apathetic face around. It was really quite comical for the neutral yesterday; the cameras zooming in on a distraught Steven Taylor, who knew how close they were to staying up, then onto a nonchalant Owen, who looked like he was thinking about asking Martin O'Neill for a juicy contract, then to a brooding Shearer, who tried to come to terms.

On paper, it looked like a team which should not have to grapple with relegation. But on paper, West Ham should not have relegated as well, with a young Lampard and Joe Cole in tow. On paper doesn't cut it.

Aside from that, people want Bassong and Martins to stay, mostly. I don't feel much when people remind me of the upcoming exodus; that's in fact a good thing. What I'm concerned about is who will be coming in? Some players will stay; the hardworking consistent ones who do not have much talent but are crucial to any club: Beye, Enrique, Butt etc. Some love the club; Steven Taylor, Steve Harper. Others should be leaving, but if I wanted to add, I'll say Coloccini and Gutierrez. I think Gutierrez actually has potential; but I'm a lone voice in that. At least he's not been crucified.

What now? It was difficult to keep the tears in; seeing grown men on TV unable to control their emotions. Shearer with his crestfallen, stricked face, and the players who played their heart out disappointed. It wasn't a tragic atmosphere, because it wasn't something sudden, or unexpected. It was there, steadily approaching, and when it came, it descended as a gloom.

I didn't know what to feel myself either. I didn't know I could feel so attached to something so remote, so removed from my daily life and wellbeing. I could just switch off and say that its none of my business, and my life would go on as normal without any hitches. As someone commented; I wasn't born there, nor did I grow up there. And might I add, I've never seen them play in real life either.

But I guess this is what it means to support something, and be a fan. Elvis Presley died, and many could live their lives per normal. But many did not. A football club was something more. It was like you hoping every season that they will achieve something, to do something, yet you were disappointed. But you never gave up. It drew belief and faith from you, and you were not afraid to give it, which is more than what you can say for the people around you. I don't get too attached too many, many things, but this is probably something that I'll be attached to for the rest of my life, that's for sure.

So I can't really describe this feeling. It's a nagging, sickening feeling that tugs at you. It's like someone just took a dump on you and you can't wash it away. The images of Shearer are etched in my mind, his emotions hidden behind a mask for the media. It's like sometimes I just sit there and think about it, hence I've had a distracted and moody day today.

Matches against the likes of Blackburn and Bolton, which I used to take for granted and not bother to even follow, are now gone, a privillege no longer. Kinda regret not watching more; now Championship matches are going to be a premium, if at all.

The circus of Newcastle continues, yet again, yet again.