Life is a struggle sometimes, and the catch is that I often forget what I am struggling for. I often try to ask myself why am I so unhappy with my lot in life, and why do we have to improve anything at all? Whatever happened to maintaining the status quo?

I think that may be the number one question I have to answer. I feel this ever-present void, whereby nothing can really fill it up for long. Nothing that I can think of can achieve that for any extended periods of time. When I'm home I feel like heading out; when I am out I feel like heading home. Over the weekends I wish I was working; during the weekdays I wish for weekends. I wish to go on a holiday when I'm not, and I wish the opposite when I am. I feel like sleeping sometimes, but when I'm sleeping I feel like I should not be sleeping.

It's like I cannot settle down in a single state of mind. It feels wrong to be so; I actually feel guilty to be doing something for too long. Like I'm wasting too much time on it and like I'm not doing it effectively. I'm always on nerves and jittery.

And I lost track of whatever I am fighting for. I used to think that I loved money, that I love seeing it and having it. But not even that anymore. It's the kinda can't do with and can't do without situation. Crazy shite, really.

I chanced upon this book at Kino the other day: the Prozac nation. Even in the US, people are popping Prozac by the millions. What more in stressful Singapore?

Haha, what should my solution be?

1) Try harder? That's definitely one way, because I obviously could do with trying harder. Because while I'm stressing I think I could do alot better

2) Take it easier? That's possible, if I could find something to let me relax abit more I could achieve that.

3) Go to church? They always say that many who have lost their direction in life have found it again in God. Perhaps I am indeed one of the lost souls.

4) Learn to take myself less seriously? I think this is a very big problem that I have right now. I take myself way too seriously. If only I could stop doing so

5) Do charity? Perhaps to do something meaningful to fill life with some sense of purpose and fulfilment

6) Go on a trip to see the world? Not one of the regular holiday spots where its just shopping, gambling, sightseeing etc. But definitely not to the extent of learning yoga in India. But, just, somewhere different, off the beaten track, and to really, really broaden my horizons. I'm thinking Mongolia already.

Or I could just continue like this and live life half-awake.